It feels like I’m being suffocated. I can barely breathe and I feel numb. The tears come in waves and there really isn’t much I can do to stop them. Grief is a hard feeling to comprehend.

I didn’t understand what losing a family member felt like when it happened the first time at 7 years old. Of course I saw everyone was sad but I got to see family members I normally didn’t see. I got out of school and to my seven year old self, that was all I could ask for.

Now it’s one of the hardest things I’m going through. I didn’t understand what it mean to lost a family member. I didn’t know that sometimes it comes out of nowhere and other times it’s expected. Sure I know death is something that happens all of the time but it really sucks when it hits home.

It’s even harder being four hours from home and receiving the phone call from your dad. Nothing prepares you for receiving this kind of news. Nothing can prepare you for hearing the sadness in your dad’s voice because he couldn’t say goodbye to his dad. Nothing can prepare you for the shock and feelings that come with death.

There is nothing more that I want right now than to be with my family.

It is in times like these where I remember the importance of family and what it means to me. I’ve always been more of a homebody and to not be there when this news hits makes it so much harder.

My grandfather was the most giving person I knew. He listened to people and would bend over backwards to help you. He was so selfless and loving and one of my biggest role models.

I’m happy he’s in a better place with my grandma. It’s been exactly 12 years since she passed and now they can spend all of eternity together. Rest in peace grandpa. I love you so much.

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